kongyee.blogspot.com | the wheels on the bus go round and round

Tuesday, August 30

+more updates..+

my blog recently has been all about my grandma. its getting boring even reading it for me seems dull and uninteresting. but this is a big part of my life where someone dear is going to leave me. one day reading this will definitely bring back all the sweet and happy memories i had with my ah po..

the diagnosis today came out such that grandma's condition deteriorated, she suffered from minor stroke and heart attack. wtf. she was healthy and well all these while. where the fuck did all these illness come about? the doctors themselves couldnt say when grandma would leave this world.

i could see that she was struggling with the pain and all the medication which is attacking whatever bacteria in the system. she had several fits today which made her whole body shake so much its scaring all of us. aunt terasa thought she was gone for a moment. she was weeping thruout these times, and i could only see and feel sad too.

mom was telling us how her dad died after failing to battle cancer. he too had a hard time before his death. seriously we do not know when she will leave us, the longer she holds on, the longer she is going to suffer. hopefully she holds out long enough for my cousin's wife, who is coming over from sydney too, cuz she is bringing over her new baby for ah po to have a final glimpse.

[[ Fallen Saint ]]*|23:45:00|
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mom said grandma has a fever and is breathing difficulties now. i dun know how long she can hold on. just keep praying that she'll have a smooth journey ahead... thats what we all want now..

all these has been going thru, work stress, ns stress, family probs, i need booze to make me feel life is so much better after all. the cig pple are having ard me seems like oxygen to me now. suddenly miss clubbing and dancing till 3am, going home without ever needing to tink about work. the carefree life everyone covets. anyone clubbing this week?

[[ Fallen Saint ]]*|00:45:00|
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Monday, August 29

+untitled+

this blog was meant to be for august 28. oh wells, im so tired after all these trips from my work place to the hospital and back home. so there.

working on sunday was fun always. everyone was in the lazy sunday spirit. dennis always does these crazy things with the girl sitting opposite her. cant believe he's a father of two already. dennis is such a crazy chap making people laugh and getting me involved in his stupid jokes where i had to play his accomplice. and the other girl (really dunno her name cuz she thinks she's damn fucking nice and refuses to talk) simply ignores him too. lunch time was ranting about soccer, punting and all the other related issues. visited the national library looking for good books. the place was filled with mom carrying kids, couples getting intimate reading a book together and single souls looking for book pals.

met up with my army bro and we went over to the hospital where aunt teresa and uncle ts were already there from sydney. say a prayer and she'll be fine. that what aunt teresa said. she was already tearing by the time we got there. she was the favourite daughter. grandma could respond to normal questions but still not much progress. doctors said she suffered from minor stroke and cant really talk. but we could see grandma wanted to say so much more.

ah po, as i normally call her, was on drips as she couldnt eat, drink nor carry normal bowel clearing herself. her hands were bruised because of the blood clots present. the four siblings were already in discussion of a possible funeral. "she has seen thru the millenium and thats is already very fortunate. she is a very strong woman." uncle ts words kept ranging in me. after that, we had a warm hearty dinner where uncle ts continued to liften the spirits up, telling us more stories..

[[ Fallen Saint ]]*|12:15:00|
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Saturday, August 27

+just another hospital trip+

playing: damien rice - delicate

i went to visit grandma again today with the entire family. my aunt was there too with uncle. all looking worried like the rest of everyone who was there visiting someone dear who is ill. everyone in there looked despondent, but still clinging on to a tiny string of hope.

the whole place smelt of chlorine, medicine, urine and shit. the smells you would relate to old people and very clean environment. not my kind of place. the nurses were very dedicated and professional in what they are doing. you could say that they are doing it everyday that they probably to what they were exposed to. you have to salute these life-savers for what they are doing, unconditional and uncompromising.

grandma was lying on her bed the time i was there. i could see that she was in pain. she was there, lying with the rest of the patients there. she had this tube inserted thru her nostrils, and another one out from her bladder. she couldnt eat on her own, and had to rely on nurses feeding her thru the tube down the nostril. i know she couldnt much be resting either. her eyes were filled with tears even onlookers know she is undergoing alot of pain.

the nurse came by to update us on her condition. we'll have to see how she goes through the next few days to see if she pulls through. "medicine cant help her forever," she says, what we can do is make her stronger. "because she is so old, we dont wan to put her in the ICU because you know its a waste. hope you all understand." my aunt was reminded how my other uncle died, because he, had some heart problems and had to rely on the ICU machine to live. my aunt, at the point in time had agreed for the doctors to inject something into him to let him weed. this time, it wont happen. we are going to make sure my grandma goes through this tough period. worst comes to worst, she's is going to leave this place by her own will, not using any medication motivation.

my nose was feeling itchy and my head was heavy. i didnt know i could tear so easily. be strong my uncle says. thats part of life. she lived a good life, and we should be prepared for these things to happen. we should be glad she lived up to 97. my uncle and aunt are flying over from australia tomorrow, to catch a final glimpse of their mom. i remembered my grandma saying she wanted to attend my wedding. i still wan to celebrate your centenary birthday. i love you grandma.

[[ Fallen Saint ]]*|22:26:00|
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Friday, August 26

+get well soon grandma.+

the only times you dun see me online on a thurs night is when im very sick, im in the army, or something happened in the family. yesterday, it was the last one. my grandma was moaning in pain as her ailing backache continues to haunt her. that made her back arch so much she suffered chest pains as well. dad and i sent her to tan tock seng a&e promptly.

the hospital scene was still bustling with life even during midnight. i never liked hospitals. who likes it anyway. as i pushed grandma into the registration area, lots of prying eyes on me and grandma. even before that, on our way there, alot of eyes were already focused as we stopped at the junctions while the traffic light was red. singaporeans thrive on these stuffs after all huh. mind your own fucking business please.

one asked: "is that your grandma?"
me (giving the cant-be-bothered look): "ya duh."
another one commented "aiyo, so old already, lots of problems.."

luckily it was already our turn. so dad went in to consult the doctor, while i waited at the waiting lounge, with the snoopy and obviously got nothing better to do, so free to comment on others middle aged aunties. i waited and waited. hours went by..

i was observing the staff as the time went by. the hospital attendants were very helpful. they were very prompt in helping grandma out of the car earlier on, bringing the wheelchair and stuffs like that. lots of other cases brought into ttsh for examination and treatment. one of the guy had his toes dripping with blood. the whole floor was printed with his blood-inked slippers.
"come, come, sit down here (pointing at the wheelchair)" one of the staff trudged along.
"bang, cepat, sini.." the hospital attendant guided the injured dude onto the wheelchair.
his friends were already lost sending him to the hospital.

one more dude, whole head covered in blood. half of his face was red. one of his friend was carrying a whole plastic bag full of tissue paper filled with blood. his other friend was steading him while cleaning off blood from his head. surprisingly, he was still able to walk normally. beds of patients brought into the hospital were treated immediately as they continue to wail. empty beds came out of the rooms, as the ambulance staff continue to save more people.

two hours went by, my dad came out of the consultation without grandma.
"she was crying in pain. they couldnt even retrieve blood from her arteries cause she was too weak already. doctors told us to prepare for the worst as she might be leaving us soon.. doctors say she is in critical condition and needed to be warded.. "

procedures to admit grandma into the hospital were made and we left the hospital. only to realise it was close to 3am. get well soon grandma.

[[ Fallen Saint ]]*|11:52:00|
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Tuesday, August 23

+rally review/new friend+

playing: polaroid - so damn beautiful

the day passed by so quickly i didnt realise it was monday. memories of how pm lee gave his riveting rally in the national cultural centre just last night still cling onto me quite vividly. since his takeover from mm goh last year, it was only his second rally, but he did it as if he was doing it for many, many years. fadz, i think we found an answer to mm goh's inspiring and catchy speech. our prime minister was equally humorous, and like his predecessor, he managed to boost the spirits of singaporeans with his slideshow of how singapore will look in 10 years. the first time since anyone has integrated his rally with slideshows and videos.

my colleague, anthony was bugging me to give him sales today when i dont even have enough sales for myself. dude, im leaving that shithole and i dun really care if you perish with me too. that how apathetic and unkind the world is. maybe its the blues, maybe its just how psychotic the day 8th sept has turned me. i dun even know whether to be happy, excited, or anxious. im just having the mixed feelings..

going home with chris (another colleague) was fun. because he stays just across the street opposite my block and that means we could go home and talk on our way home on the bus. no more sitting with stinking old men or enduring loud music from mp3 players. happy moments are short-lived however. he's going to quit, and me soon enough. this guy has gone thru abit more in life, so i was fed with all the juicy details of adult life, national service, the people he went thru during his work, and stuffs like that. thru talking, he said i was pessimistic. maybe i am. no, i am pessimistic. i always think of the worst that could happen to me. that might not always be good. i cant help it. its just me. =/

[[ Fallen Saint ]]*|00:12:00|
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Saturday, August 20

+saturday+

playing: james blunt - tears and rain

the counting down is taking forever. i can barely endure anymore for this long wait. 19 fucking miserable days more to the start of everything. 19 more chances to make more intriguing life experiences to this chapter in my life. bee said im pessimistic. maybe i am. thats how i am. bleh.

the sentosa trip was cancelled today after a long 3-hour wait at harbourfront mrt. no we didnt exactly wait there for 3 hours. i was late for an hour. LOL. we chatted about soccer and more soccer. who talks about other stuffs other den football on a saturday afternoon. the weather, so unfathomable, so capriously mysterious, that made us change our plans of a final sentosa outing. maybe next week they say, maybe next week. who knows what might happen next.

we happened to be at harbourfront mrt when a couple of caucasians, probably british (cause of the way they spoke and so polite mannered), asking me for help regarding buying a standard single-trip mrt ride. they were so passionately in love despite their age, im sure they must have easily be in their 50s. correcting and asking again and again, making sure they didnt get their bearings wrong in the unfamiliar land. i feel like a samaritan. wahaha. i have the "good guy" face huh. these people brighten life up on a rainy weekend.

so we had our plans set on town. the best backup plan anyone could have. in our berms and tees, we paraded the weekend crowd on a busy orchard road. some fashion show in CK at taka drawn in throngs and throngs of prying eyes. the models are hot. they look exactly like life-sized barbie dolls waiting to be bought home. the male models are all tall, tanned hunks wearing clothes from CK, walking down the main aisle. all eyes on them. no one's very attracted to what they are wearing i guess. maybe its just me. they were all so pretty. so surreal. at least i can walk out of that place saying "i saw the CK model on the poster walking in front of me and smiling.."

the rest of the peeps soon arrived, tired from their ns over the week. these weary-looking men obviously needed some vibe in their lives. im going to be one of them, very soon. after listening to their boring albeit intriguing experiences, i guess im not really ready. it is really troublesome. two years of sweat, blood, tears shed for the country. this is what you call patriotic and loyal to the country huh.

dinner at the italian pizza restaurant at wisma (thou been there quite a few times, still dunno what it is called). they server good pizzas there. a little more walking here and there, heeren made more changes i realised, after 1-2 weeks, and still as attractive as ever. we had dessert at haagen dazs at scotts area. its been quite a while since i had ice cream. good cold ice cream served warm with chocolate and other sweet looking stuffs that makes life feel so much better all of a sudden. aphrodisiac, they would say. ice creams are life enforcers. they make you feel like a 10 year old kid, just happily eating and not bothered with the things you have to deal with. however they make you happy only for a while. you gotta face reality straight after. thats how harsh the world is. im still very much learning to face this myself.

the week pretty much ended on a high, the fact that i saw some of the faces i haven seen for quite a while, thou very much depressing, we had each other's company and shared some fun. thats the most important thing i supposed? duno about the rest. i had fun spending one of the last few saturdays out. what happens to the next two saturdays remains unknown.

8 sept seems a distant yet close date. a special one, i guess not. definitely one i could always remember..

[[ Fallen Saint ]]*|23:32:00|
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Thursday, August 18

+dampened spirits+

this much awaited off-day of the week represents another trip to my reclusive retreat. all that chilling out, the music, watching movies, animes etc on the pc, all by myself, with the occasional bro's shouting and screaming. i never got tired of doing these relaxing jobs even thou i may be multi-tasking. suddenly i feel like i wont be doing all these for a long, long time. time is definitely running out..

the weather today basically summarises all my spirits now. the rain waters spluttering on the drain covers making these low resonating tones, the trickling of rushing waters down the drains, the sight of people running home from the lrt stations. i wont be able to see these beautiful natural sights for quite a while now. its finally here i guess..

project superstar just ended. didnt watch the men's part cuz i was out at work yesterday. shant comment yah. but i think junyang is the better one in terms of looks and talent? as for the gals, my heart goes out to kelly. but xinhui is the obvious better one. i do not know how the votes will go. i want the singapore polytechnic alumni to go into the finals. remember how we voted and got taufik all the way? we should continue to keep the flames alive. the voting ends in approx 30 mins from now. just keep voting. wahaha. =]

[[ Fallen Saint ]]*|22:11:00|
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+fag talk+

playing: astrada - just another day

i love my new cleaned-up, tamed haircut. now i look more human than before. but there's only 3 weeks left to enjoy this whole fresh feeling before all of it goes off. too bad you guys cant see it. the picture i took sucks. and im kinda lazy to have another picture taken and uploaded. so there.

life is unfair after all. just when im leaving the crappy company, i made some good friends in the office. someone to slack and talk to. but they are all faggots (erm, i mean smokers here). i mean i dun mind them, but the other people tend to associate me as a smoker too. wahaha. wth. not all bad guys smoke; and not all smokers are bad people. good men smoke too!

ask them why they waste money on these light sticks. because its cheaper than drinking. because it'll make them look "more cool". because you make more friends while chatting and smoking together. i could go on..

it doesnt have to be because of the health reasons. well, i mean you'll die after smoking too much, but who doesnt die after living for decades in this pathetic world we call home? who doesnt spend half of their lives wasted, thinking when their paths would end. no, i will not be swayed to picking up that little thing, letting it ruin my life just as yet. im not stopping you to do it in front of me, neither am i afraid to take in the smoke exhaled. they come and go thru the air. just like the haze. it'll harms, it doesnt kill.

imagine the world quitting altogether simultaneously, just like the punters in the world giving up what they love to do. you'll see men and women having wings, like saints and angels. that is impossible people. with more demands comes the continuous supply. tobacco companies thrive on men's addiction to nicotine. they love to see the smoking populace escalate. even the government in many countries are hiking the tax prices so that they get a share of the market here. bookmakers need to be legalised before they start their businesses here. thats explains why we see people doing illegal stuffs everywhere in the world to curb the high prices they have to deal with.

im thinking non-coherently. just ignore me. its the pre-enlistment syndrome

[[ Fallen Saint ]]*|00:11:00|
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Wednesday, August 17

+all about the singapore movie productions+

the movie perth opens officially in singapore tml. im curious to see what singapore movies can be like. mr brown gave his view on the movie after his trip to the exclusive premiere. wednesday's life! section of the straits times gave it thumbs up too. the trailers made me want to watch it. but who knows. it might turn out to be another jack neo movie. any takers?

another singapore production, the maid, is making its waves in singapore tml too. uniquely set in a typical singaporean family. the maid surely starts to get everyone's attention not knowing traditional chinese culture. im sure it wont scare the shit out of pple's asses, but the message it carries being singaporean matters most of all.

[[ Fallen Saint ]]*|15:53:00|
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Sunday, August 14

+weekend rants+

i realised its sunday today. because my clock rang at nine today. because the sun looked tired after all that busy week trying to lighten up everyone's day. because the usual routine people always had stopped for this very special day. going to the hawker centre for a nice simple breakfast, or enjoying an after-service meal sounds perfect for a warm sunday morning.

three more sundays to savour before the next few ones after that would be spent on sunny island, pulau tekong. with the men, mosquitoes, and lots of other spirits who would hang around with us for weeks. life is that short for me huh. its finally here. all the waiting. all the desperate times training for napfa but still fail. all the stupid things we do to keep ourselves fit. its down to three weeks. =/

the week has been pretty much of a pleasant one, comparing to those i've had since working. maybe because this week was a rather short one, the fact that national day just passed and everyone were busy painting the town red, even the sad lonely souls would feel euphoric after watching the fireworks shooting their sorrows away.

i realised when sales comes, you get much happier cuz one thing you know the supervisors arent so fussy about you, they dont put so much pressure like they used to, and you know you're one step closer to that incentive. thats how practical life is. you give them what you want and they give you what you deserve. i see the heads nodding as you read this.. =]

i suddenly realised one of the bosses was born in london. i always thought he was an indian. those you know would visit little india once every week, bath in coconut oil and drink beer at the kopitiam downstairs. he was none of those. he was a pleasant man, doesnt smoke, single, jokes around with the girls, gives us lots of pressure (and i think thats why i hated him so much from the start). oh, i forgot to mention, men, when they hit 30, they tend to get flirtious. they hit on every girl in the office. sounds pervertic, but thats the fucking truth.

not to mention, the number of smokers outnumber the non-smokers by at least 2 times. the air in the office is getting stinky by the day. and with the haze in malaysia threatening the fresh air, we might get one hell of a smoke one day. and thats the day we'll all fall sick again. clinics making the money, every other business gets affected.

im tired. after all that crapping about oh-its-office-again stuffs. working in an office is such a boring thing that could happen. looking at the same old faces. boo.

[[ Fallen Saint ]]*|23:53:00|
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Saturday, August 13

+need for speed underground 2+

im so stuck on need for speed underground 2
neon lights, posh machines going at 150 miles per hour
the city is there for you to explore and uncover the secret maps
woohoo.

[[ Fallen Saint ]]*|20:35:00|
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Wednesday, August 10

+learning to let go+

i have been weighed down by so many things lately, spoiling my mood and creating a stuffy, and airless environment for myself. i need a break from all these problems that have come knocking on my door. im not ready for all these changes in life thats causing so many predicaments which i gotta deal with.

bee told me i should cheer up and look on the brighter side of things. that was me a few months ago. i always dealt with things lightly, took the people around me for granted, making sure life was carefree and stressless for me. i have began to look at things in a negative way like pessimists always do. my skies are shrouded, the heavy clouds dont seem to go away.

looking at the bright side now, i have two years to slowly think about the problems that stand in my way. the big ones seemed to be anchored deep and is probably going to take my entire life to solve it; the little tiny ones should be gone in a matter of weeks. that might be the only plausible way i guess that statement works for me now.

our supervisors gave us another motivating talk again today. about learning to let go of tiny fishes and waiting for large ones which might swim by. i found that quite apt and attuned to me.
"it is because you guys are afraid to let go of these small unlikely customers that you waste so much time and energy on them. learn to let go of them. you will realise the ocean is so much bigger out there after losing one or two of these. no point dwelling on little planktons like those. the ocean is vast and many more whales and sharks lie ahead. catching sharks might be dangerous and daunting, but that makes your catch so much more worthwhile after you have made that one sale."

sales was pretty good on this post national day. everyone seemed to be in a chirpy but tired mood. the premier league is starting coming saturday. that might be a selling point. people these days just give us so many excuses just to reject us. i hope letting them go would bring in more salmons in for me..

[[ Fallen Saint ]]*|23:50:00|
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Tuesday, August 9

+two movies+

its been quite a while since i ranted at how sucky life went. well the past few days basically i have been meeting up with the army boys and chatted. all they could rant on was about army, army, army. thats gonna be me in 30 days huh. im not ready for it somehow. =[

orchard road was painted red yesterday, the eve of national day. school kids donned in red tees, obviously finished with their school celebration of the national day. the half day in school made these kids very happy, and the only thing they could think of was shopping in town. so these throngs of school kids, most probably in secondary or junior colleges, flock to the place where we call heaven.

the times when everyone crammed the little hall, watching performances put up by the school. skits, speeches, national day songs. i could still remember the day when i was in secondary where one of the national heroes came to our school to tell how hard life was. cant rmb her name. those were the happy carefree days..

two movies caught on sunday and monday respectively.

charlie and the chocolate factory
this show is like another harry porter or lord of the rings, adapting from a book, minus the grandeur, the fighting. add in the fantasies of a boy who loves chocolate so much and wishes he had all the chocolates in the world. i had so much fun watching every single part of it, cuz i read the book a few days before catching this show. every single character was carefully picked for this show. every roald dahl description of the characters were depicted. the house charlie lived in with his grandparents sleeping on either side of the bed, the chocolate room where all the waterfall and green lush stood, the pink boat with tall front and back, the oompa-loompas, augustus, violet, veruca, mike, charlie and most importantly mr wonka. everything was so much like reading a book.

but somehow they altered the story a little bit in the end. i didnt know mr wonka's dad was a dentist. thats how movies are supposed to be, they change bits of pieces here and there to make it somewhat new for movie goers. i have to say johnny depp did such a brillant job in this show. a typical depp movie. his eccentricity, wierdness, uniqueness made him so special for this role. love this show.

the next show i watched with the tpy gang and some of the soccer mates

wedding crashers
this show had the advertisements flashed outside 77th street at far east and heeren since march. this is a must-watch. this movie made me laugh till i cried. with owen wilson and vince vaughn in the show, you can never go wrong making this comedy. like what the title of the show suggested, these two dudes go to weddings, meet new girls and simply put, have lots of fun with them.

one quote from the show, compliments from steph's blog: (hope you dont mind steph =])
I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it's awkward, it's like well goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called "just the tip". Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you're on my hair.

well i haven had such a good laugh since school ended. the joy, company of people who watch this movie with me is greatly treasured. go catch this show and have a fun time!

[[ Fallen Saint ]]*|11:26:00|
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+happy birthday singapore+

its one of those days you get a public holiday and feel psyched about. like the basilles' day in france, independence day in the united states or just another queen's birthday in the united kingdom or australia, its the national's most important day.

politians and governors look back on the day when they first got their designation, their bosses kept reiterating on this important day where they have to celebrate it with the nation. they dont really have much a choice, simply cuz the taxpayers fill up their wallets every year and they just have got to show their respect for that.

singaporeans, over these few years, have gradually lost confidence in their leaders. they try very hard to complain, call thru the different media sources avaliable, make their presence felt, but simply put, its all futile. the government had a major change of house just last year, a new prime minister, a whole new board of house just made the people a little uncomfortable, and of course, every new change needs another period of time to blend in and for people to adapt to the new system. you could put it as we are impatient. we tend to want to see the difference immediately. thats how singaporeans are moulded to be, in this fast-paced, efficient society. they made us into what we are, and we shld be very grateful for this. over the 40 years, the set of government turned the little nation from a third-world into a first-world country within the space of one generation. how incredible. no wonder so many countries come making treaties and pacts with us. we just have to credit mm lee for what he has done to us.

to make a good leader, one has to be ruthless. it sounds so damn crude. but thats how things go. he has to become the bad guy, make everyone pay tax, simply because our country thrives on its people. we have no resources to back us up on. some of us understand, some uneducated ones can never understand, because they feel life was just like the same 40 years ago. we are now running a race with the best runners in the world, no longer the mini race in the kampongs we used to live in.

in my workplace, i see the uncles and aunties ranting about anti-govt stuffs during lunch. radicals like that bring in a new challenge, a stiffer competition, but singaporeans, as we all know, wouldnt want another change unless the present one is unsatisfactory to our needs. looking at their little speeches makes me laugh, cause they have gone thru so much more than me.

look at the number of people hanging their national flags out on this month, and you will suss out why i have so much to rant about. the people no longer bleed the patriotism they used to. more and more people migrate, and we have to turn to foreign powers to reinforce our position in the world rankings. people complain when they see these ang mohs holding much more higher posts, drawing a higher payroll than ordinary singaporeans. composers make catchy national day songs once a year to get us all in the melody of it, singing along to it on this very special day. the prime minister gives his national day rally on this day to boost our morale, gives us the impression that life could be better. i think someone has to reinstill that confidence in us again. bring on the senior minister, you know how his words can touch us and cause life to be much better?

sometimes i wonder why we cant be like england, france, or italy. the people place their flags in cars, wear clothes with their country's emblems on them, hang them up in front of their little houses, paint it on the walls. when can we have that kind of patriotism like them. not afraid to show where we are on the maps even when we are just a tiny little speck. till that day we shall keep waiting...

after all, we are who we are. and we gotta show the world what we are made of. on this very day, we shall make do with the annual national day parade where families pack the padang and sing along to the usual chan-mali-chan kind of tunes we used to practise in school. there's a part to play for every single one of us. be it the parachuters who glide freely in the skies, the soldiers who march on the fields, or the audiences who sing and crowd the limited places, we all make this day a very special one. happy or sad, laugh or cry, it is stil our national day. just spend it thinking back on the years we have gone through with a safe, secure and stable government.

happy birthday singapore. life begins at 40..

[[ Fallen Saint ]]*|10:17:00|
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Saturday, August 6

+burning season+

i had a lot to rant about, but due to some stuffs (like the usual ones) i've decided to push those entries back for some important ones which seemed to due earlier.

my house smelled of burning incense yesterday. it makes the kids run away. it makes the adults suffocate after inhaling too much. my family dun participate in those little activities anymore. now, we are working on my grandma's basic necessities. the seventh month, where the spirits of the dead supposedly come back to visit the family. those living are supposed to pray for peace and stuffs like that during this month. and the chinese got this custom where they have to burn incense on the first and fifteenth day of each month. you know they have these designated bins (because people just find any convenient grass patch and start burning away) made of whatever material that is, (i think its aluminium with steel) i have one of those bins right at the ground floor in my house. and when these devotees start sending stuffs to their family to "heaven", my room gets these ash bits. in case those of you who stil dun know, i live on the third storey.

walking back from work is also freaky. i have to walk at least 3 blocks before i get home. those red coloured candles often lit the sidewalks just below the flats with offerings and joss-sticks just in front of them. just like the lights paving the way in an airport runway. its still quite okay to see one of two. but a whole row of it makes one's spine tingle. who knows one day i just see someone munching on the candles and eating the offerings one day. and i've got to scuttle home quick every day for now. and i see these heaps of ashes in the bins at the end of the day. the ashes tends to lift off easily in the winds, and soon most of us will be breathing in the residue. it will be hotter because of all these burning, and in turn, making us more sick. just hold on people, we still got another day of intense burning two fridays away. by the time the gates close for the spirits to go, i should be heading for the tiny island just north east of singapore. its how short time flies. someone stop the hands of time for goodness. its ticking way too quickly for me to handle.

[[ Fallen Saint ]]*|22:46:00|
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Thursday, August 4

+off day+

playing: hilary duff - wake up

finally my weekday offday arrives after working 4 straight days. my job doesnt really tire me out that much, but still i need this short pause for myself before more work resumes. it drizzled a little today. dampening the streets, less people opting to stay at indoors as a result.

i met up with mei to collect back my cable. after that the whole evening was entirely devoted to myself. walking the usual routes from plaza sing to far east, the shopping malls, the restaurants, coffee houses, shops selling clothes and shoes only seem to bring back vehement emotions. those were the days. those days were a distant 4 months ago. 4 long months since the class had a decent get-together. those were the times when we would unfailingly crowd the trains and rush out of class, to town, or clementi, or wherever.

and today as i slowly stroll the streets of orchard, it is only me. most of them are already cleanly shaved, the rest doing their money-making ploys. it is onerous even to find someone for shopping, coffee drinking and talking, pool session, just simply killing time off. maybe its good. i got all the time to myself. those are words of console. it helps for others, never to myself.

walked on to borders. by the way, did i mentioned i picked up reading as a new hobby? the smell of new books, the land of tomes. im starting to love it. the way authors spins fairytales out of chunks of beautifully constructed words. but this hobby is such an extravagant indulgent. the prices of books are hiking. so damn broke nowadays. so many books have already caught my eye. hopefully the books will wait for my return till i get my pay. there's a sale going on at borders though. i guess there's stil something to cheer for in the end.

[[ Fallen Saint ]]*|23:12:00|
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Wednesday, August 3

+surprise surprise+

playing: hooverphonic - mad about you

what a pleasant surprise. on my way home today, i saw my optician. remember the one i mentioned earlier this year? the one who looks pretty and sorta made my heart tingle. go refresh your memory here. anyway, she was happily attached now. oh at that time she was still single and all. seize the opportunity people. grab it once u see the chance. =/

work was cool somehow today. well i didnt managed to close any sales today, but the office was packed. i do not know why. many people used their different tactics to explain the promotion we had. some of them actually made me laugh out loud. wahaha. serious. you gotta hear the uncles and aunties say it man. due to company policies i think i rather not reveal their way of selling.

i really dun know what else to rant on.

[[ Fallen Saint ]]*|23:37:00|
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+internet/smoking+

playing: the cure - mint car, aqualung - brighter than sunshine

we bloggies are a bunch of unstoppable force which is proliferating and mushrooming as we speak. referring to the straits times' report on petition power in the digital life section today, blogging is one of the many mediums singaporeans these days choose to communicate. other methods include sms and online petition. we make our stand and allow people who actually visit the website comment on it, like a little forum.

the internet, to me, is the greatest invention in the last decade. i think it came out in 1997, cant really remember. (someone pls tell me) it brings people together, connects web viewers from one end of the world to the other. what i find interesting, is the fact that internet is still free, thou i believe they get paid by internet service providers who actually earn quite alot because there are so many of us who are actually hooked onto the web every single day. well, from what i understand, they actually laid cables underground throughout the world right? so basically the whole world is connected by these huge cables which run underground.

the virtual world is a vast land unbounded by any government. we are free to own a little piece of it for free, but if you want a piece of it forever, (like buying freehold apartments) you actually pay for your little area. this is so intriguing because it happened in the real world, and the pioneers actually want the same thing to happen to internet. however, as internet gets more coverage over the world, more people actually find so many services on it they actually can forget about going to the supermarket or malls for their shopping, paying bills can just be as easy as one click away. of course, the more downside of internet might be the hackers who usually loomed around, ready to pounce any minute. somehow, the security on the net is always able to take them in hand at the quickest time possible. lets just safely indulge onto this huge web for the rest of our lives..

+++
the government decided to ban smoking on places like coffee shops and hawker centres by july 2006. its a good move for non-smokers. it doesnt really make any difference to me, my smoker friends obviously dont like that stupid idea. but my doubt now would be asking what the government's motives are.

1. to start to restrict smoking areas and eventually ban smoking in singapore so as to eradicate the sale of tabacco here?
2. to force the smokers to quit?
3. encourage more people to smoke in the process to remove this ban
4. to create a greener and cleaner environment so that passive smokers dont get sick and die

actually all the possible reasons i proposed point to one direction. but that is going to cause more problems in the midst of it. like what they mentioned in the papers on monday, business in hawker centres will be greatly affected. and steps like hiking the prices of cigarettes would only be futile. people always find alternatives themselves.

why then do they want to make the dateline till july next year? why not jan 06?

- so that smokers got more time to kick that habit they have been hanging on for years?
- or because they want people to start planning for days without cigarettes?
- for smokers to start a clan where they can sit down and smoke all day?

this debate remains open. lets just sit down and see what happens next.

[[ Fallen Saint ]]*|00:12:00|
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Monday, August 1

+finally august+

playing: third eye blind - semi-charmed life

finally a brand new month, the fresh feeling is here again. one bad month last month, hopefully this month i could make some amendments to my life, and my quota for august. i know i wont last long, but who cares, as long as i keep myself happy during work, it doesnt really matter.

im beginning to take life a step at a time. all the fast paced life in the society doesnt really suit me i guess. those experiences would probably come later. for a man waiting for national service, there's really nothing much he can do to his life now. im just slightly a month away from devastation, but my life is already wasted and pretty much destroyed even for now. so does it really matter when it comes?

this conversation happened today during work:

customer: "hey mr liew, you haf a glib tongue."

me: (lol)" really? is that a compliment den?"

customer: "yeap, you could say so."

me: "no, i dont. i haf not managed to persuade you to sign up with me, therefore, i still suck"

she went speechless for awhile, before we eventually hung up. singaporeans. sigh. what can i say about them since im one of them. they really plan every detail in their life, no extra expenses every month, no extra television, no extra broadband internet in their homes because they dont really need it. and they could actually spend $50 donating to charity.

why not pamper yourself first? i know i sound desperate. but we, as homosapians, are very much selfish and self-centered. we do not share unless we see a need to. we do not offer our help unless we get something in return. (of course i do not say it applies to every single one of us) we are not great people. we are still very much blinded by the seven sins. whatever sin we might be committing, we are still perfect in our own way. that makes us humans, and typical singaporeans would know that even better themselves.

[[ Fallen Saint ]]*|23:59:00|
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